happy new year? or should i say..
crappy new year and the years thereafter till eternity and beyond.
the dream is shattered. to an extent.
watched 3i (idiots) today. personally would give 3/5 stars but i fully believe some'd rate 4-5, it is understandable.
for me it was not just a movie. it was a a piece of film i dreaded but believed would never come.
for 8 years it has been my dream, the same idea, the same soul this movie is based on.
yes i read 5 pt someone back then, but never expected it to be translated onto the big screen.
and as the idea is very much different from the book i never felt threatened.
over those 8 years, i was on a journey of observation. that even i didn't know then.
for past one year i have been crystallising all the "data" into "useful information".
it was an idea. my dream. my reason. the dream is/was not filmmaking.
it was "this film"-making.
if the dream comes true. it would come true on paper.
for me practicality is something that has always to be addressed in pursuit of your artistic desires.
the uniqueness was the usp i was counting on.
originality to me is something i aspire for.
now,
even though i had the idea independently. the comparisons would be unescapable.
people, whom i desire to entertain, would rubbish it off as an attempt to cash on the popularity of the "original" 3i.
i have 10 ideas that constitute my dream. of these 4 mean the world to me. rest are all just backups.
with this movie, 3i, i have lost 3 out of the 4 ideas. kill bill almost destroyed the 4th.
took me 4 yrs to make myself watch kill bill as the premise made me sad. but thank god it was different.
3i is different too. but the audience would never acknowledge it to be the original, the different one i wanted it to be.
and that is what all i wanted from it.
i wish i could elaborate but u won't have the time to know.
and i would not have the clarity. publishing an idea on the web, ready to be plagiarised, seems too risky to me.
yeah yeah, i know, some would say "oh how cocky. he considers his ideas to be too great."
please. one has to take that confidence in oneself to follow a dream. i have to give me that.
what also shakes me up is, what if all the 10-12 ideas that i have that i have scribbled over years...
wat if all those are already taken, how would i pick myself up?
would i want to? as again, is my dream filmmaking? or is it "this film"-making.
i would never like to make a film that i have not written. i would not like anyone else to make a film that i have written.
am i asking too much? well i am ready to give it all.
but time is not in my hands. just fear i maybe devoid of any idea.
i am not here typing down my fears and thoughts. i call this planning.
i need to be prepared to face these falls, these wounds over the period of time i am gonna have now.
what if someone somewhere composes a tune,
and the next day he hears it on the radio.
no, not by plaigarism. that you could sulk, curse and get over with.
what if someone else on the planet had the same idea and executed it even better?
how do you garner the strength to pick yourself up and restart your journey?
i wonder how do i prepare myself for that.
maybe i would just need to cross when the tunnel comes and keep telling myself that...
..."all is well"
