it has been 3 months and 3 days i had the footage back from the lab,
it was my birthday and i sigh of relief was my gift. after 3 weeks of worry.
did not put the tape in the deck and was scared as hell it will be horrible
after all my shoot was almost a disaster but, at least i shot
and as cliche-d as it sounds, it was a perfect learning example
when almost everything went bad. i will not blame anyone but me.
the only time when being in a "new" environment was a test for me.
one botched weekend (4th of July) and i lost every second of preproduction time.
from my lofty pre production plans, i ended up not even finishing casting hours before.
god! i even bought a dslr with 2 lenses to have my focal lengths set up for the
choice of shots i had, and then finding the 16mm equivalent for my real camera.
planned on a storyboard made of actual location photographs instead of
some drawn sketches but nothing worked out.

the first mistake was having a 30 page idea in mind and then condensing it
into 10 pages for my instructor to approve as a viable 10min script.
the real idea was to shoot 40-50 minutes in 3 days and try to be as close as possible.
the real idea was to write the real screenplay with scenes clearly chalked out.
but with the fake script massacred and laughed at in the class review,
i kinda got lost and that 10 page draft i started treating as my manuscript.
i guess nothing made sense to people, so all my time was spent in casting
even i could have cut it short but i felt finding the right casting is more important
than anything else as the whole story revolves around them only
did i? i hope so. i thought so.
because of lack of preprod (owing to the fact i took a bullet for my team
and being the first to start shooting, don't know how much they acknowledge it)
it was not on organized shoot, though i tried my best
the instructor (great guy) on my last day said i did a good job on my report
which was nothing but my pre & on prod shoot notes. so i think i did the best
under the circumstances.

the whole problem was i was trying too much. but that is what i wanted.
i wanted bang for the buck. i was not getting this environment again in a
long long time. add to that, i have had this idea for months, scenes in my head.
yes i failed, but now i have a baseline to compare to.
i have the whole scene playing in my head and when i look on the screen i know
what i missed and what i did better. this is what i wanted to do.

the best part was, the instructor sat with me 2 days before the shoot.
sat for 2 hours. removed all the scenes. from 10 pages he made it 4.
and asked me to change the ending and i came up with one, he liked.
it was MY movie, but yes, i broke down, i needed help. he did.
but still. that thing i said. i wanted to shoot the scenes i had imagined for long.
and what did i do?
with my actor inclined on the original story too.
i ended up trying shooting both.
so i kept the new story as a safe product and aimed at finishing that.
in addition with proper planning try to shoot other scenes also.
in the end up i shot the new story almost. the old one, hmmmm...
shot lots of scenes but the real answer is. i learnt.
this was the first time. and yes i learnt what goes in a shoot.
the scenes looked rushed and it is art that we were supposed to make.
that is the final goal.
i will be honest.
i m happy i did this. i knew nothing absolutely nothing when i started this.
and art for me was not even a goal.
i wanted to learn the management
i wanted to learn the engineering
i wanted to learn the economics
i wanted to learn me, do i have the talent or not

i did not sleep almost at all for 3 days, always carried a printer and stuff
with me on the shoot. transferred all film equipment from first location to
2nd location alone. it was backbreaking. literally.
my team gave up on me on my 3rd day so it was all but wasted.
they had their films to plan too. i understand. i wish it wasn't like that.
but practically, i have to understand. i don't agree.
i want to whine and crib like a child, that gave them more time to prepare.
but hey, i m a grown up. i had a blast shooting theirs.
if they had no time like me, and all shoots were like mine.
it all would have been mechanical. with that.
i got to lean the art- minus the pressure of making the film.
on other people's set i gave my all. but i tried i don't care much.
if i wouldn't have fun any of the days shooting, why bother to shoot ever?
i had to make sure i have fun. i did.
lost my rayban on one of the sets. but otherwise it was all fun.

i came short, on my first short.
still dream sometimes. i should have wrote a 25 page tighter script.
should have started casting weeks back, why i sat on my ass still surprises me
but thats coz i know now what a pain it can be.
the person never looks what their bio-pic is.
this reminds me. the auditions.
my first audition was the worst. and the actor was really good.
but i was late, my script pages in wrong order and me sweating.
i had already given a bad impression and knew the actor may
end up coming only for the reel not the film.
but its done.
at least should have written this blog 115 days back when i shot.
or 90 days back when i got the footage. or 75 days back when this finished.
if i hand pick the bad experiences i can not move forward.
i have to have a holistic view of the entire experience.
and it has not finished yet.
the new story edit is not done. sound needs lot of work.
i want to spend more time in making the final cut.
and the loads of footage i have for the old story.
maybe edit some story together with all that soon too.

and then show it to friends and family who have been waiting for months.
and then post it here. if the "here" is a hyperlink it means that day has come.
i wonder why i have not worked in the edit for months now. yes i was busy but still.
how can i defend the truth, that i want to move on.
one thought by leonardo da vince comes to mind

Art is never finished, only abandoned.